We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
