you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
