Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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