just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
