Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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