We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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