I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
