We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Houston, we have a squirter
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
