She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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