so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
