my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
