Swine flu. Run for my life!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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