Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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