so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
