Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
