a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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