About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
there is puke in my bra ... again
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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