i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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