I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
