she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
