It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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