If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
