Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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