1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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