a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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