after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
