Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
