so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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