Im at strip club and am horny
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
