I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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