I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
