just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
