Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
