david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
