You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
