I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
