We're like a lot better than the average bears
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
