I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
