wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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