PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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