my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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