I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
