But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My liver just had a heart attack.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
