Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
