You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
