I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
