I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
