I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
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