I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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