i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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